“Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is a short book in which Adicihie gives her friend, Ijeawele, a new mother, advice on how to raise her daughter feminist. Adichie gives the utmost care to this letter to her friend, attempting to detail not only what she should teach her daughter, but how she should demonstrate feminism through her own behaviors as a mother. In fifteen suggestions, as the title suggests, Adichie describes to her friend the behaviors and beliefs that she should pass on to her child. I will summarize what each of her fifteen suggestions recommend:
1. Adichie starts by telling Ijeawele to “be a full person,” rather than just a mother, because showing your daughter that motherhood is not a woman’s entire purpose will be motivating to her. And, with that fullness of self and coming into motherhood as a human being, she should allow herself to make mistakes.
2. In her second suggestion, Adichie notes to split the work equally between the father and the mother. While this seems like an obvious one, splitting the work evenly (or as evenly as possible) will have a large effect on how the child views the responsibility of her parents. In addition, she stresses the importance of not viewing the father taking care of his child as “help,” because the child is just as much his responsibility as it is Ijeawele's.
3. Next, Adichie suggests to obliterate the idea of “gender roles,” making sure that her daughter never has to, or doesn’t have to, do something or get to do something because she is a girl. This rule should apply to things like cooking, clothes, and toys.
4. Adichie then warns in her fourth suggestion against the idea of “Feminism Lite,” in which feminism is preached only under certain female conditions. Adichie notes that you either are or aren’t a feminist, and there is no in between.
5. In her fifth suggestion, Adichie stresses the importance of reading. As an author herself, Adichie knows what it is like to have sexism thrown at her work when it’s scrutinized. She knows that books will give Ijeawele’s daughter the tools she needs to think critically about the world, rather than just going along with whatever subtly sexist ideologies she is told.
6. Next, Adichie stresses the importance of the language Ijeawele uses towards her daughter. She warns her not to call her daughter “princess,” due to the connotations of “delicacy” associated with womanhood. She asks her, overall, to think about the ways unfair words are associated with women that limit them and create unfair biases against them.
7. Adichie then discusses marriage, and how marriage is not something to be achieved. Marriage can certainly be a happy thing, but it cannot be a goal. Being married is a much larger deal for women than it is for men– just think about modern day weddings, it’s always the bride who is emphasized, not the groom. And, she should be able to choose whether she keeps her name, it certainly should not be forced.
8. Adichie notes that Ijeawele’s daughter should not try too hard to be likeable, or at all. She should be kind and a good person, just as any man should be, but her goal should not be to be liked. Rather than being likeable, Adichie says that she should be honest– brutally honest, even.
9. She says that Ijeawele should teach her daughter selective parts of her Igbo heritage. She should be both proud of the parts of her culture that emphasize community and family while rejecting the parts that teach that women should not be equal to men and not be able to do the same sort of things. One way to consistently remind her of her Igbo culture while not reminding her of some of its sexist traditions is to give her an Igbo nickname.
10. Next, Adichie suggests allowing her to be active and exercise a lot, especially with her mother. Not only will this help with how she thinks of her place in the world, but it will help with body-image, a problem super prevalent for young girls. She should be able to be active while dressing however she likes, wearing makeup or short dresses, without it being linked to immorality or shame.
11. Adichie tells Ijeawele not to let biological differences between men and women be an excuse for gender roles or limitations. Adichie says that “biology is an interesting and fascinating subject, but… should never [be] accepted… as justification for any social norm.”
12. Adichie tells Ijeawele to tell her daughter about reproduction early in life, and not to be ashamed of it or her own sexuality. Boys are certainly not taught to do this, so why should girls be?
13. Adichie believes that Ijeawele’s daughter should be able to talk to her mother openly about her love life, in a way that does not make her feel afraid of expressing that part of herself, because, as a woman, it is a part that is just as valid of love and respect as her other interests.
14. Adichie wants Ijeawele’s daughter to know that good and evil should be equally supported and resented among men and women, and they are both equally normal. It is not more normal for a woman to act good than it is for her to act bad, than it is for a man to act bad or a man to act good.
15. Finally, Adichie suggests that differences among women and all people exist, and they are perfectly normal. Some people like certain foods, others don’t, for example. It’s important to raise a woman to know that differences are what make us human and they are not something to base oppression on.
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